How to write a Thank You Note

From Esquire Magazine:

A good thank-you note is a clear and ruddy piece of prose. There are only two moves involved. First you remind the person what you are thanking them for. Then you tell them why. That's it. You sign off, sure. And you might throw in an extra sentence or two for a laugh or a private joke. But it's mostly a chop-chop exercise: two solid, sincere sentences, each touching on the heart of the matter. It isn't all that tough.

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Have an attitude of gratitude

A Little Gratitude
How to change the way the world sees you, one thank-you note at a time

By Tom Chiarella

I don't really care when people say thanks. Open a door. Thanks. Hand someone a stapler. Thanks. Push a button on an elevator. Thanks.
That's just chatter. Meaningless interaction. Broadly speaking, hearing thanks five dozen times a day might be seen as an anthropological indicator of some sort of social ordering, like cryptic head tilts between sparrows on the lip of a gutter. It's often an anonymous interaction. I can live with that. I can even participate. That doesn't mean I have to care when some thirty-one-year-old salesclerk at Restoration Hardware, who didn't take the time to use hair gel that morning, says "Thanks" as I walk out of the store having bought nothing at all.

Three days ago, I stepped out of the way so a three-year-old could caterwaul past me in the soup/chili/potted-meats aisle at a grocery store, knocking cans off the shelves as he went. I could have horse-collared the little jerk, but I figured it was none of my business. His father galumphed around the corner, smiling, tilting his head, turning his palms up at the apparent zaniness of life with toddlers. "Thanks," he said.

But why was he thanking me? There wasn't any gratitude to be had in that moment. I'd done nothing for him. Mostly, I got the sense that he was using the thanks as a kind of wink, as in "You know how it is."
And most of the time, that's all people mean when they say thanks casually. They mean: I could have done it myself or My boss wants me to say this or I appreciate the tip, but this isn't what I plan to do for a living. There isn't really any gratitude in those exchanges. But when we use a thank-you as a how-do-you-do, we take all the air out of being grateful, creating a world in which gratitude has no currency.

Being grateful matters. A good thank-you -- a real thank-you -- means something. It is notable, memorable, important. A meaningful thank-you reveals the evolution of a friendship; it declares what we value, making one party certain that the other party notices and cares about the quality of human transactions in the world around them. But every verbal thank-you, even a sincere one, risks being forgettable. No, there is only one way to really thank someone: You have to write it down. You gotta write a thank-you note.

I always appreciate a thank-you note, but I've never been particularly good about writing them. I have let so many kindnesses pass, so many gifts and gestures drift by, so many sweaters made by my aunt or books sent by my father pile up in the corner, that I am ashamed.

So I decided to get serious with my thank-yous, taking a month to let no kindness pass. I went to the stationery store, bought a hundred cards and a decent pen, and took a month to write thank-yous for everything that happened to me, to everyone who did anything for me.
This time it wasn't so much about what this would get me or how this would bend the world in my favor. I was adopting a karmic ritual, which, over time, might actually benefit all parties.

I decided to be aggressive. A hundred thank-you notes in a month. How much real kindness was there in a single day after all? I figured three per diem would do it. It seemed likely that I would have some lousy days, some days when nothing was worth noting.

But then I wrote ninety-one in the first week.

Could I write a thank-you note to everyone who opened a door for me, or picked up something I dropped, or handed me a Sweet'N Low in a coffee shop? At first, that was what I was after, the attempt to use thank-you notes like a giant caliper, taking measurements on grace and kindness in the world around me. I wrote to a dozen baristas, two clerks at Wal-Mart, a state trooper, a spate of department secretaries at work, waiters, waitresses, bartenders, a guy who sold me a pair of tires, friends, acquaintances, clerks from whom I bought Christmas presents at the mall, the parking attendant at that mall, and three different newspaper writers. That was just the legitimate, hardcore thank-yous, the ones for which I had a name and an address. I also sent dozens to anonymous people at coffee shops, dressing-room attendants at Old Navy, customers in long-evaporated lines at bakeries, operators in the distant offices of toll-free numbers.

I had my rules. I would not use e-mail to thank anyone. An old-school, proper thank-you note is a card selected for that purpose. I chose ones that said thank you right on the front. I didn't do any drop-offs, either -- no notes stuck in mailboxes at the office, no cards slipped under doors. I wanted the notepaper, the method of delivery, the construction of the letter, even the selection of the postage stamp, to imply consideration on my part. More to the point, I wanted to consider those aspects of the process.

I got some answers. A woman from Best Buy called to thank me for the note in which I thanked her for the help with buying a refrigerator.
"Selling appliances is a pretty thankless job," she said. I told her I hoped it would score points with her boss, thinking maybe there would be a kickback for me in the form of a discount. "Oh, I quit that job,"
she said. "I'm in St. Louis now. I'm going to be a minister."

But overall, this just didn't work. Letters came back unopened. My handwriting got worse with each repetition. I began to realize that thank-you notes, like their verbal counterparts, should not be broadcast indiscriminately like grass seed. I had made the mistake of treating the thank-you note as something easy and casual, vaguely tossed off, rather than something timely and considered. After week one, I started to make some choices, finding real moments from the day before.

Every morning I took three cards and set them down in front of me. I was back to my original formula. Now that I wasn't keeping a running list of every event on my Day-Timer, when I didn't force myself into a frenzy to cover every possibility, I found that I was in a sort of buyer's market each morning; I had plenty to pick from. I wrote my therapist, and a biologist I spoke to at a New Year's party about books he was reading, and my departmental assistant. I thanked my brother for the football he sent my son for Christmas, the one we played catch with until our fingers were dead from cold. I thanked people for parties, for lunches, for jars of jelly dropped on my porch over the holidays.

I've never been very good at this whole daily-reflection thing, but if I ever gave it a real shot, it was while I was scratching out these notes. Time passed differently. I began to look at the day as a series of opportunities for thankfulness rather than obligations to a calendar. The discipline of the writing gave me a morning ritual beyond a cup of coffee and the blathering of SportsCenter. I started, for the first time in years, to work on my handwriting. The morning didn't tear by the way it usually does. I found that I could sit there and reconstruct the prior day by thinking of the faces of the people I met, the tenor of the things they did, and the places in which I met them. With each day, I could remember more about each day that passed.

One day, toward the end of my experiment, I was called into my boss's office and pretty much told my time was up. They couldn't offer me the terms I had been working under any longer, and they wanted things to change, whether I wanted them to or not. As I sat there, my head filled with anger. I could think of three people I blamed for this.
Then more. Jealous, petty, careless people, each of whom had declared, without saying as much, that they no longer wanted to watch my back.
Thanks, I wanted to shout. Thanks a lot. But I knew by now that no one would hear. I wasn't being fired; I was being dared to quit.

The next morning, as I set the notes down in front of me, I expected I'd be able to think of little else except my imminent demise. When I looked at the blank notes, my new memory kicked in. The day hadn't been that bad. One guy had lent me a book on pigeons that I liked very much already. I'd also received a large discount on a poker table I wanted. I had plenty to write about. I wanted to write my boss, too. I felt like I had something to say.

I started in, because I knew I could. The discipline told me this
much: Gratitude requires some measure of humility. I didn't quit, or tell him to fuck off, or ask for another meeting. I sidestepped my anger and thanked him for his time. It turned out to be all he could offer me, and I told him I was glad to know that much. Knowing that -- really understanding it on a level I could reach only by sitting down to write the note -- made it easier to consider what had passed, and what might still be to come. I was grateful for that.

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Lots of Links for Filmmakers

Please, start here: ifpmn.org/about.html

The Vision:
IFP Minnesota envisions a world where expression through images is valued and encouraged. IFP Minnesota is the Center for Media Arts that supports and promotes the work of artists who create screenplays, film, video, and photography in the Midwest. From novice to experienced media artists, IFP MN provides ongoing programs and services to ensure that your voice is seen and heard.

If you live in Minnesota, these links will be more beneficial.


Photography Resources:
American Photo -www.americanphotomag.com
Camera Arts - www.cameraarts.com
Lenswork - www.lenswork.com
Minnesota Center for Photography - www.mncp.org
mnartists.org - www.mnartists.org
Profotos.com - www.profotos.com
Vision Quest - www.vqphoto.com

Companies + Vendors - Photography:
DigiGraphics/Photos Inc. - www.digidigi.com
National Camera Exchange & Video - www.nationalcamera.com
Photo Warehouse - www.photo-warehouse.com
Technophobia Consulting - www.technophobiaconsulting.com
West Photo - www.westphoto.com

Filmmaking Resources:
Altered Esthetics - www.alteredesthetics.com
American Accolades Screenwriting Competition - www.americanaccolades.com
AMPAS Screenwriting Fellowships - www.oscars.org/nicholl/index.html
Chesterfield Writers' Film Project - www.chesterfield-co.com
Cinema Revolution - www.cinemarevolution.com
Corporation for Public Broadcasting - www.cpb.org
Creative Capital - www.creative-capital.org
FilmFestivals Entertainment Group - www.filmfestivalspro.com
Filmmaker Magazine -www.filmmakermagazine.com
indieWIRE - www.indiewire.com
Internet Movie Database (IMDB) - www.imdb.com
Minnesota Screenwriters' Workshop - www.mm.com/user/mnsww
mnartists.org - www.mnartists.org
Movie Bytes - www.moviebytes.com
Chan Poling, Composer - www.chanpoling.com
Todd Syring, Composer - www.syringmusic.com
University Motion Picture Club - www.umpc.org
Winnipeg Film Group - www.winnipegfilmgroup.com
Zoetrope.com - www.zoetrope.com

Companies + Vendors - Film/Video:
Cinequipt - www.cinequipt.com
DVDTransfer.com -www.dvdtransfer.com
Innovative Business Products - www.innovativebp.com
Kodak - www.kodak.com
Lights On Minneapolis - www.lightson.com
Pixel Farm - www.pixelfarm.com

Funders:
Bush Foundation - www.bushfoundation.org
Independent Television Service (ITVS) - www.itvs.org
Jerome Foundation - www.jeromefdn.org
Metropolitan Regional Arts Council - www.mrac.org
MN State Arts Board - www.arts.state.mn.us

Media Arts Organizations:
Asian Media Access - www.amamedia.org
Digital Pictures - www.digitalpictures.com
Directors Guild of America - www.dga.org
www.filmmakersalliance.com - www.filmmakersalliance.com
IFP - www.ifp.org
www.itvs.org - www.itvs.org
Intermedia Arts - www.intermediaarts.org
Minnesota Center for Photography - www.mncp.org
Minnesota Film & TV Board - www.mnfilmandtv.org
National Alliance for Media Arts and Culture - www.namac.org
Northern Guild - www.thenorthernguild.com
OverExposure - www.overexposuremedia.org
Springboard for the Arts - www.springboardforthearts.org
Writers Guild of America - www.wga.org

Research:
Film Threat - www.filmthreat.com
Filmmaker.com - www.filmmaker.com
IndieFilmmaker - www.indiefilmmaker.org
LA.COM - www.la.com
The Numbers - www.the-numbers.com

Business Plan Resources:
Business Plan for Films - www.megadox.com/docdetail.php/5459?a_id=74
Understanding film financing and writing business plans - www.moviemoney.com/
Business Plans for Film & Movie Projects - www.surfview.com/sejwcbp1.htm
Business Plan FAQ - http://sbinformation.about.com/cs/businessplans/l/blbplanfaqindex.htm
Sample BP Summary - www.angelicentertainment.com/bpsummary.htm
ifp.org Article on business plans - www.ifp.org/filmmakerlib/article.php?subcatid=21&id=42

Film Schools:
FilmSchools.com - www.filmschools.com
Film School Confidential - www.tomedgar.com/fsc
Full Sail - www.fullsail.com

Theaters and Festivals:
Atomic Midnights at St. Anthony - www.incredibleshows.iwarp.com
Cinema Slop - www.stitzel.com/cinema
Cinema Treasures - www.cinematreasures.org
Drive-In Theaters in MN - www.driveintheater.com/list/minnesot.htm
Egofest Short Video Film Festival - www.egofestival.com
FilmFestivals.com – www.filmfestivals.com
Flaming Film Festival - www.flamingfilmfestival.com
Free Range Film Festival - www.freerangefilm.com
Heights Theatre - www.heightstheater.com
Inside Film Online - www.insidefilm.com
Landmark Theatres Minneapolis -
www.landmarktheatres.com/Market/Minneapolis/Minneapolis_Frameset.htm
Minnesota Film Arts (Oak Street Cinema/Bell/MSPIFF) - www.mnfilmarts.org
Riverview Theater - www.riverviewtheater.com
Sound Unseen - www.soundunseen.com/2005_old
Square Lake Solstice Film Festival - www.solsticefestival.org
Twin Cities Black Film Festival - www.tcbff.com
Walker Art Center - http://calendar.walkerart.org/index.wac

Thanks to IFP MN for the list of links! [ifpmn.org/resources.html]

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Finances, Film, and YOU

If you expect to be trust with a budget for a film (short or otherwise), you need to be in control of your finances.

Starving artists: Listen up! Here is all you need to remember when it comes to personal finance.

Grow Your Income, Not Your Lifestyle

Please read closely: Earning more money won't make a bit of difference if you don't save it or apply it to paying off your debt. Many people fall into the trap of "the more you make, the more you spend." It's a vicious cycle that will keep you living from paycheck to paycheck regardless of how high your salary is. The bottom line is that you've got to grow your income, but not your lifestyle if you want to make financial progress.

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Premiere Reviews Grindhouse

I'm looking forward to seeing Grindhouse. Here's what one review says:

So finally, is this three-hour-plus extravaganza is a genuine formalist coup, or just a case of indie moguls indulging their favorite sons in an elaborate in-joke? That's a question a review can't really answer. I must say, as much as I enjoyed much of it, I hope Grindhouse doesn't start any trends. Exploitation cinema is combustible stuff that only highly trained professionals should be permitted to play with.

— Glenn Kenny

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